My Birth Story

It is Wednesdsay morning, October 8^th 2014.

I wake up with my husband at about 6am. Normally, I stay asleep. After all, growing a baby that will soon be here in less than 2 weeks is an exhausting task! But some days I just cannot stay in bed. I kiss him goodbye and settle myself down to browse Facebook, a habit I truly hate that I have started, but it requires so little effort! Someone mentions something about a lunar eclipse. Really? Now? I have to check it out. I waddle me and my swollen belly to the window and peer through the blinds. Now there is a sight I have always wanted to witness. Indeed, a big black shadow is cast over the moon, in other parts of the world the blood moon is a different site to behold. I wonder what today will have in store?

Well we all know where the story goes from there, but I had no idea it would be so incredible and miraculous. Every birth is miraculous, but the circumstances leading up to my delivery feel even more so. It started with a doctors appointment I had on Tuesday. I got all ready to go and was ready to walk out the door when I realized – I couldn't find my keys! I knew exactly where they were. My baby-brained-sleep-deprived self left them in the car, locked in the garage. I couldn't get to them without my husband home, so I just rescheduled my weekly check up with the doctor for the next day.

Wednesday came, and with it an unusual number of phone calls and text messages from family and friends saying “I am thinking of you!” and “Hope you are feeling well!” Even with the company of the blood moon, I didn't think anything of it. Not even when my best friend called me to ask if I wanted a ride to the doctor! I was relieved, it was such a welcomed offer, even if it was very inconvenient for her.

We get to the doctor and I just don't feel right. I feel very jittery and attribute it to excitement. I was hoping I had dilated or effaced some more and I would be going into labor soon! Little unknown fact about me, I have since I was young been fascinated with labor and delivery. I grew up asking lots of questions and hearing many stories. During my pregnancy I super-educated myself and planned and prepared every single day for a Hypnobirthing experience. I couldn't wait not only to meet my baby, but to experience labor!

However my jitteryness proved to not be caused from my anxiety. My blood pressure was a little high, and my feet, my friend pointed out, were a strange shade of purple. Without sounding alarmed my doctor had me admitted for monitoring. An ultrasound showed a breech baby whose amniotic fluid was low. My doctor, knowing how much I desired to have a natural birth experience, told me I was about 2 millimeters away from the bare minimum amount of fluid. “Most doctors would be sending you to surgery already.” She made it clear however that if things didn't flip around (including baby!), that we would need to do a c-section.

My heart sunk. Three strikes against me.  I felt helpless and yes a little guilty, though I was assured it was nothing I could have caused. All of that practice. All the visualization, the reading and the prep that went into my calm, spiritual and natural birth plan went down the drain. I was incredibly disappointed, not only of not having the type of birth I wanted, but the feeling of being robbed of the beautiful experience of labor I had always wanted to experience was overwhelming. They wanted to start surgery right away. I of course was persistent this wouldn't happen. I would do whatever I could in my power to change this course. I tried different positions to try and flip her. I tried meditation and visualization and even an inner dialogue with my baby to try and change things. After some time, nothing changed and only worsened, so they prepped me for surgery. I had one more thing I wanted to do. I wanted my home teachers to give me a blessing. I knew it was wrong to think so, but maybe if it was meant to be they could change my fate!

My doctor and the staff were so positive and supportive of my decision to wait until my home teachers could get there to give me a blessing. I didn't perceive one shred of doubt, negativity or any feelings of being rushed in their attitude towards it. I am still so incredibly grateful for that. They let me wait until my home teachers could get to me, which was at about 9pm, almost two hours past the time they wanted to start surgery. I apologized to my doctor for keeping her at the hospital so late (she herself has seen years of infertility before giving birth, also a c-section, to twins.) She brushed it off, said don't even worry about it she has paper work to do anyway. She is the best doctor in the world and has always made me feel so important.

My home teachers arrived and I received my blessing. I told them I wanted a blessing to make sure I was doing the right thing, for reassurance, and I was hoping for a miracle. I always start to bawl at the first mention of the Melchizedek priesthood. Of course, the blessing said nothing of my desires, but did bless the procedure and outcome of the surgery. I was humbled. Immediately after the blessing was over I felt this big blanket of calm wash over me. I cannot explain it, but all my worry, stress and negativity was completely washed away. My best friend noticed and made mention of that (she is super talented at reading people, especially me) and I felt happy she got to witness such a profound power of God on this earth (she being a non-member). 

So I went into surgery with an impossible calmness I have not experienced in such a stressful situation before. Even when I heard my doctor say the words “meconium” and had to wait some dreadfully long seconds before hearing my baby cry, I was at total peace. I knew everything would be perfect and my baby would be in the best hands and be healthy. I knew with a perfect knowledge.

Hearing her cry was the most amazing, soul-piercing experience I have ever had. I wept openly. I will never forget that special and life changing moment. There is no explaining it and no comparison other than seeing her for the first time, which I did for a short time before they took her away to get her breathing a bit better. After some 3 long hours I was finally able to hold my baby. My calm peace remained with me for those three hours as well. I recall feeling excited to hold her, but not anxious or stressed to be apart from her. Again, I had total confidence in the staff as was addressed in my blessing. I will never forget that first moment I got to hold my child for the first time. The child I had waited for and wanted for 2 long years. With her finally in my arms, my life feels so complete. I feel so grateful for the countless miracles leading up to and after the birth. A birth I did not want, but learned to love and look back at with fondness.

Shortly after arriving home we were given another amazing gift. We have two bamboo stalks in a vase that served as one of the centerpieces at our wedding. There use to be three, but when one died, we attributed the two remaining stalks to representing us as husband and wife. Our love bamboo! My husband noticed only a few hours from walking in the door that there was a short little bamboo sprouting up from the rocks! How amazing is that?!

Also, you may recall when I was trying to get pregnant that a very close friend of mine had some mala beads (prayer beads) made for me that included certain stones for fertility, dismissal of fear and other great and very specific qualities. At my baby shower we had everyone write down their guess for the date and weight of the baby. This friend won. She then shared with me why she had chosen the date 10/8. There are 108 beads on a traditional mala necklace. 108 is the universally revered holy number, the number that literally (within its characters) represents our sacred union with God and his creations. How fitting and beautiful is that?

Aside from all these wonderful tender mercies and gifts, if I wouldn't had lost my keys, I would have gone to my check up on Tuesday. Wednesday would have come and I would have just attributed my jitteryness to needing a nap or water and dismissed it. I wouldn't have noticed my purple feet. I would have "toughed it out" as I always do. Then, I would have been walking around a week with low amniotic fluid and high blood pressure with a breech baby and who knows when she passed the yucky meconium. I probably would have lost her.

I can only thank the love and grace of my Heavenly Father for that and His hand in my life. It is so incredibly evident. I am still profusely thanking him for that and the miracles of my birth and everything leading up to and following it. I also am so incredibly thankful for my doctor and her amazing judgment and knowledge. This is the second time in my life she has SAVED me in a situation where another doctor may not have been so "sensitive." So many other doctors (with the molar pregnancy situation and my state before the surgery) would have simply written it off as something else. I am more grateful in my life than I can even express!! 

These things, not only the birth of my beautiful and perfect daughter, but these tender mercies have changed me. After all, it is not only a child that is born after a delivery, but a mother. And I am seeing that I am well on the path, if I keep this faith and light, to being the righteous mother of God I have always wanted and planned to be.