Starting This Blog

I have to start off by saying that in the recent past, I have been somewhat against personal blogs. I do not believe that whatever I have to say will serve anyone, inspire anyone, or that my experiences will "help out others like me/in my circumstances."  Nor do I intent to "impress" anyone with what I have to say or express; and after all, that is what it comes down too: Expression. I am an extremely self expressive being and I tend to go a bit crazy if this need is not meant.

With that being said, the purpose of this is mostly to foster that need for self expression; as well as provide a vessel for self discovery and a means of connecting with my family. This is mostly for them. For some reason, I have always felt the need to share my thoughts with them - maybe call it the youngest child syndrome? It is possible that my ideas, thoughts and expressions could be seen as stupid, naive and could even anger or disappoint other people, but again, my intention is not to cater to any of these thoughts or to anyone at all, but mostly just to share them. For me and for my family.

With that being said, the motivation for this blog was to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with pregnancy. It has been a long, hard road - though full of beauty and wonder, even in the darkness, and I am loving it. Feeling this life inside of me is like a full spectrum "completion" of my total existence. It is making me whole. We both talk to Zoee on a daily basis and my goals right now are to connect with her as much as I can. She kicks, I push back. She flutters, I rub my belly. I keep my mind and heart open to getting to know her already. There is not a day that goes by that I do not look down and smile privately. I do not know if all women do this as constantly as me, or if my past experiences have made this reality even more sweet. I like to think that later, but the reality is that as a first time mother there is probably a lot of things I think or feel that I assume "I am the only one" or "one of a few who experience this!" It must part of that ever present ego. Darn thing is still there!

A couple of changes I have noticed in myself:

• I act upon my inner desires and inklings a lot more. These things include comforting a friend, embracing a child, sharing words of love and compassion that I normally would keep to myself. I am assuming this nurturing nature is emerging and growing to prepare me for motherhood.
• I have no idea if this has to do with pregnancy at all or if I am just "evolving," but I noticed I am a bit more forthright, if you will, or at least more vocal with these thoughts. I will tell you like it is a lot quicker then I use to!
• My empathy is heightened. Always a special trait of mine, it seems to be "Super-Sensed" much like my heightened sense of smell! Hormonal? Or spiritual? (If you know me, everything is spiritual to me.)
• I am also more laid back. This is a trait that continues to grow in me because of the amazing influence of my husband, but I find I am much more relaxed and less inclined to "rush around" then before. Hallelujah!

So far I am completely and absolutely humbled and elated with this whole experience. I am finding that I am gaining traits that will serve me well. One's I am not sure I could sow on my own. I believe I am being blessed and that Heavenly Father is shaping me into the kind of woman and mother He wants me to be. I pray that I keep sensitive to these things so I can fulfill His desires for me. I find I am so open and delighted to transform so gloriously! (Also, another fantastic reason for starting this - writing always stimulates guided realizations! What a blessing!)

I have many more thoughts and experiences to share, on all spectrums. I will keep you posted! More to come!